you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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