omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
