hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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