My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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