I wish I only lived at night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Small penises have feelings too.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
