He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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