covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
