She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
