Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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