Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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