My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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