I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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