Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
