Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
