swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He shit in the fireplace
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
