I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
