First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
