I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
