and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize