white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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