its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
