Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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