just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
