I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
