had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
