I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
