found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I FOUND THE LEGS
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