Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize