Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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