She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You are a genius and a whore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize