He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
