He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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