why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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