this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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