Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
