Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
