Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
