Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
