awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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