I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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