apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
