I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
