I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize