well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
