Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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