what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
