I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
