Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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