We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am one with the molecules
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
