What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
