I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
