Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
