dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
