yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
