You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
