at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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