Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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